born to die

if any of you see this read

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 10:31:44 GMT

who here will still read my posts after so long. ive been looking over my past posts and seeing who used to read and replay and im sure most have long since left this place. jjust curious i guess. hope to hear from you boys and girls soon.

im happy for to see ya home..

who will read this?

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 10:05:38 GMT

well its been over 2 years since my last post. dont expect anything grand here to read and enjoy, its not going to be anything really, just a post that is meant to be a post, nothing more or less. much has changed over the past years, and of course, life has not gotten better, its gone down some, i guess thats what happens as you age. i guess the things that have changed are these, drink more, smoke more, become more of nothing. basically ive just become a shittier wersion of who i was before, the excitement is overwhelming i know. but that is the story so far, love lost, life lost, myself lost, what a wonderful life, and if youve read this far, then im baffled as to why. of course this is just a small summery of my life of recent, the true mystery is still and probably always will be, locked inside destroying everything i am cause thats how it works.

the rope burns shorter everyday, and unfortunatly the rope isnt ever lasting.

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 14:54:28 GMT

what can i say, shit sucks like usual. going to iraq soon. just have to wait to convoys stopped being attacked and contractors dying.

i hurdt myself today, to see if i could feel, i focuse on the pain, the only thing thats real.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 03:52:36 GMT

carving into your own flesh is harder then i thought. im not one for cutting, im a burner as you all know. cutting isnt painful, carving is.

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 02:55:51 GMT

well im only updating b/c...it doesnt matter. it's time i said some things....
i dont fucking care if you care. i dont care, what you care, i just give, what you recieve.....

you all think your smart in some way, that you'll make a diffrence, but you won't. you'll buy into love and money and disregard you past dreams and thought b/c in the future it will be crap to you. i will tell you now your lives wont amount to anything, your lives wont change the world. you will not do anything for the world. you can read your books, ace your tests, do your drugs, believe your faiths, believe you will make a diffrence, but you won't. you will all die and will be rubbed out of existence as time passes on, you will not be anything, not even a memory. you know this deep in your heart but womt admit it. i know i am crap and am worthless to all of you. i will die miserable and in pain. and i excet that. some say i've doomed myself , but you've doomed yourself. fuck me and fuck you.

i would kill myself to allow you to live. what would you do for anyone? nothing. thats what. you will be nothing, think you will, think you know shit, no one knows anything. if you all ended i'd feel no remorse. why should i? b/c i knew you? fuck that. fuck you, fuck me.

what have i become? you could have it all. i will make you hurt. you are someone else, i am still right here. i will find a way.

i have burned myself, and not on my leg. right in the middle of my palm. which is not usual for the people who know me b/c for the past 2 1/2 years, thats where i've burned(on my leg). but fuck you all. changes must be made, first with yourself then with everything you see.

no one knows me, and i don't know anything, but at least i know im not anything, so you should alo. remember your a human, change can be made, but if it isn't, nothing will be diffrent.

fuck you, thats the main point of this, b/c you think you know shit. you will all die, and in the last moments of life, you realize you were nothing. the end.

-fitz.

i forgot how awesome blood for blood is

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 22:21:23 GMT

My mask of sanity is slipping away
and I don't know if I can last much longer. help me
Human faces grow so twisted and farther away,
thought I could take it but the hate grows stronger. help me
Oh God help me 'cause I don't want to see
another image of that beast humanity. save me
Oh God save me, this hatred is killing me.
No one can save me 'cause I once was blind but now I see the way...

One day I'm gonna rip my eyes out of my head
And never gaze upon your twisted world again.
I'm gonna tear out my eyes
And maybe find some peace of mind inside.

My mask of sanity has broken away and I don't want to last much longer.

wasted youth crew forever

poison is bad

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 03:51:22 GMT

im really bored and in a shitty mood and tired but not sleeping so im doing this shit. fun fun fuvking fun.

What are your thoughts on abortion?
yes

What do you think about reincarnation?
in a way, but not in the religious way your inclining

Should religion be in schools?
no

What's your view on inter-racial relationships?
sometimes good, sometimes bad

Can/Should teens have longlasting, meaningful romantic relationships?
depends on them

Will there ever be world peace?
what did world piece ever change?

Should marijuana be legalized?
fuck pot

Do you watch Survivor?
no

What are your favorite tv shows?
cowboy bebop, sopanos, oz, csi, simpsons, futurama, family guy, sealab 2021, aqua teen

Do you read any magazines?
when im bored

Do you want to be famous/what for?
i dont care if im famous as long as shit gets done

How should the media cover the school shootings?
truthfuly

Are we as a society desensitized to sex and violence by tv and movies?
no

If you could only listen to one CD for the rest of time, which one would it be?
probably l.o.c., or c.v., or social d

What type(s) of music do you like the most?
punk, but i like many more

Is Eminem a musical genius, or a jerk?
i don't like wiggers. his music is ok(some)

Is music an important part of your life?
yes

Are you musically inclined?
ehh

What do you look like?
complete shit

Do you gossip?
no

Do you lie?
no, trust me

What's your dream job?
figuring it out

Do you have emotional issues carried over from childhood?
everyone does, its part of our life

Who were you raised by?
mom moslty

Would a stray pack of wolves done a better job in raising you?
no

Ever been a bully?
barely, and i feel stupid for being that way to those few people

Ever been bullied?
yeah

Favorite quote?
something nietzsche said, it's long so i dont remember it to well

How mature are you?
however much i am

Fallen in love?
yes

Lost a loved one due to a mental illness?
yes, but not in the way this question is implying

Lost a loved one due to death?
yes

Been abused?
everyone has in some way

Are kids educated enough about sex?
if they listen

Who hurt you?
big bird

Does anyone know the real you?
not intirely, but some know a lot

Do you ever want to run away and be at one with nature?
no comment

What gives you peace?
never at peace

Do you love yourself?
yes and no

Are you living or just alive?
im trying to live

Would you ever kill?
yes

Number of males I have kissed in my life:
ive never kissed any with tongue, the rest, i got to cop a feel

Number of girls I have kissed:
like 10-15 maybe

Number of continents I have visited:
2

Number of drugs taken illegally:
2

Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends:
they know who they are

Number of CDs that I own:
not enough

Number of piercings:
none

Number of tattoos:
2, with mroe on the way

Number of scars on my body:
not enough, but too many

Number of people that have made me scared of what they could do to me physically:
not many

Number of things in my past that I regret?
its all in the past

Name: chris
Nicknames: fitz
Birthplace: fl
D.O.B: july 27 1984
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'11"ish
Right-y or Lefty: Right-y
Zodiac Sign: leo
Your Heritage: german, czech, irish
The shoes you wore today: none
Your Fears: don't worry about it
Goal you'd like to achieve: to change it all
Your thoughts waking up today: fuck this
Your Best physical feature: the dark
Your bedtime: about 5:30 a.m.
Your most missed memory: its all in the past
Pepsi or Coke: neither
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or group dates: depends
Adidas or Nike: boots
Lipton or Nestea Iced tea: nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: coffee
Weapon of choice: the one that works

Do You....................

Smoke: yes
Smoke weed: no
Cuss: ys
Have a crush: no, which is suprising
Think you've been in love: yes
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Get motion sickness: no
Think your attractive: no
Get along with your parents: one of them
Think your a health freak: no
Like thunderstorms: yes
Play an instrument: no

In the Past Month Have You..............

Drank Alcohol: yes
Smoked: yes
Smoked Weed: no
Made out: bo
Gone on a Date: no
Gone to the Mall: no
Eaten an entire box of oreos: no
Eaten sushi: no
Been on Stage: no
Have had a boyfriend or girlfriend: no
Gone Skating: no
Made homemade cookies: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: no
Stolen anything: no
Been to a concert: no
Killed someone: no
Tried to kill yourself: not really

Have You Ever......................

Been Trashed or extremely intoxicated? yes
Been rejected: yes
Rejected someone: yes
Been caught doing "something": yes
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beat up: no
Shoplifted: yes
Changed who you were to fit in a crowd: no

The Future..............

Age you hope to be married: dont know
Number and names of your kids: dont know
How do you want to die: painfully,
Where do you want to go to college: havent decided
What do you want to be when you grow up: .....
What country do you want to visit next: antarctica

In a guy/girl................

Best eye color: green
Best Hair color: depends
Short or long hair: depends on who she is
Best articles of clothing: whatever looks good?
Favorite cologne: n/a
Number of people I could trust in my life: very few
Number of times my name appeared in the newspaper: 10 maybe
Number of things in the past I regret: none
Last word you said: see you in the morning
Last song you sang: murderdolls-dawn of the dead
Last thing you laughed at: i dont know
Last time you cried: superbowl night, to much absinth and whiskey
What color socks are you wearing: none
Current annoyance: to many
Current book: looking for a new good one
Current favorite article of clothing: pants?
Favorite place to be: ...
Least favorite place: ...
Strong in mind or strong in body: strong in mind
Time you wake up in the morning: 3p.m.
Favorite color: red and black
Do you believe in an afterlife: no
Current favorite words/sayings: none
Favorite season: winter
One person you wish was here right now: ....
Favorite day: dont know

In CD player: nothing, its at my place empty, with dead batteries
On feet: nothing
Under bed: nothing
What time you got up: 2:30
Time it is now: 3:40

Mood: tired
Music: murderdolls
Taste: none
Hair: not much
Attire: pants
Desktop image: none
Favorite music artist: l.o.c

------friends

Funniest: flynn
Smartest: dont know
Sweetest: fogarty
Nicest: michelle
Newest: danny
Oldest: Alexis
Most honest: ...
Lies the most: dont know
Smells the best: fogarty
Ditziest: dont know
Weirdest: all of them
Closest: fox

-------who

Hurts you the most: me
Loves you the most: dont know
You love the most: doesnt matter

------who is/has

The tallest: sean maybe
The shortest: michelle or tara
The longest hair: dont know
The shortest hair: dont know
The best dresser: dont know
The worst dresser: dont know
The best student: dont know
The worst student: See above
The most in common with you: fox
Who has almost nothing in common: dont know

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 14:16:45 GMT

i told you

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	ten!
your best quality is	youre pretty inside and out
your worst quality is	youre too sweet
this is because	Its who you are

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 03:06:06 GMT

who would've ever thought, 3 updates in 3 fucking days.

fuck it all, sacrifices must be made in this world to help the future of all. if you disagree then your a selfish piece of shit. all humanity, are here to make sure the future is set. reproduction, destruction, creation. we are all going to die,, young or old. its going to suck, life sucks, pain is the addiction of our generation even if not wanted. nothing can help our time. the future is all thats left. i truly wish i could live for 1,000,000 years just to see what will occur in the distant future, to see what advances, what evolution has occured. but i know i wont live till then, and that ill die soon enough so which my life will of been only a blink on the time line of existance. but fuck it, i wont be selfish, what will get done by being that? absolutly fucking nothing.

so fuck you all, for you are all selfish, you are all cowards, you are all ignorent pieces of shit that are looking out for now instead of the future. im not going to deny that i am somewhat that myself, but atleast i realize the truth and am hoping to change it. so all of you just keep taking your drugs, keep buying into your mtv, your media control, your brainwashing of being a pawn, go ahead, live your happy life full of voids you can't see, full of gaps your trying to skip over, go fucking right ahead. and then you question why everything has turned to such crap, well if you want to know the answer, look into the fucking mirror. when you look into the mirror, you'll see part of the reason why this world has been infected with a disease of shit. fuck you all.

with nothing more to say at this moment i retire to still, where it is most peaceful to me, but still chaos.

nietzsche said it best....there is no "right" way....

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 02:18:56 GMT

i realized something today, something i should of realized a long time ago.
i realized every dream that i ever remember, has one huge simularity between them. every single one.
think you know what it is?

with time on my hands right now, the only thing i've been doing is thinking, and its starting to piss me off, because the more i think, the more i question things, and the more i question things, the more fucking confused and frustrated i get.

no cash is a good ska punk band, i think there really good. you should listen to them

who would of thought, 2 entries in 2 days.

shieztof....one more day closer to the end.

of all the things man has created, god is the one i dislike the most

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 02:56:30 GMT

drugs:overdose:good

i am a very hateful person, and they say people who hate have a lot of fear in them, and this is true, i do fear, i fear for this world, i fear what is instore from all of you to help fuck this planet and our chances for evolving even more. everything has a rise and fall.

terri shaivo's parents should be imprisoned

nobody ever died for my sins, im the one whos going to nail myself to the cross and die for my reasons.

the only fate i belive in, is the fate of destruction

Don't mistake the demeanor
My kindness and weakness
I'll burn you with reality
While you cry to your Jesus
You're suffocating in two
You're choking in an empty room
You're empty life that's ending soon
Completely spells your doom
-C.V.

time to rise.....

from the high rise castle, shoot to kill.

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 12:04:28 GMT

well shit on the parade for a while. yea. super bowl weekend was probably the worst weekend i've ever had. broke down 2 times. once in the middle of the street in town screaming at the top of my lungs ready to die. mp's came and yea, bad night, and then 2 days earlier on friday got some bad news that still is eating at me. fucking went insane that night as well except in my room. shit isnt going good in the mental department at this time. fucking hell. fuck.
work is going ok, i stand to get paid about 3 grand or more in a week, which isnt to bad. got an apartment which were moving our shit into during the weekends, only 400 euro a month for a 2 bedroom, thats with bills included. starting to move shit today actually, just a little though. im in debt to people about 1300 dollars(and growing)which sucks, since i have no money yet. yea.
shit could be going a lot better, getting lost right now in some ways, but fuck, if it fucking wants to go, then let me be stranded, fuck it all, i'll kill you all.
french people suck. fucking frog ass fucking shitbags.
i dont know what to say, just figured i'd write even though i know you fuckers dont fucking care, its not like i really give a shit about most of you anyway, most of you are nothing and just pure waste. rather talk to my fucking feces then you. fuck it, whatever. i dont know right now. havent really been in the right state of mind since the superbowl. yea.....whatever.
i need to get wasted again tonight. fuck it. nothing seems right at the moment, i need to have solitude.
alright then, i guess thats all for me to say right now to everyone. just remember folks....do it, kill yourself.

demon inside stole the life.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 14:28:13 GMT

i cannot explain whats running through my mind right now.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 13:13:02 GMT

alright folks here we go again.
wel i went to denmark and sweden a couple weeks ago after christmas till past new years. it was cool. my sister-in-law accidently erased every picture we took from the trip on her digital camera. that sucked. i went up to belgium anf france this past week to talk to Ian, the superviser at the site up there, hes a cool guy and he said he'll take e on as soon as all the parts we need are in. so that hopefully will be this week, im going to be up and and seeing.
so this is cool, in the past 2 weeks 've been in 7 diffrent countries. never thought i'd be doing that.
but yea, i dont know what else to say right now, since im back in graf. for the weekend. im just going to the bar and saying bye to all my pals who are going to iraq on monday. it sucks, a lot of them are going, jimbo's going to the u.s. first then iraq, brians leaving monday, and those are close friends of ours, but oh well. shit happens.
my brothers coming back from kuwait because he hates it so much, he should be back in a week or two weeks at the most, so yea, i dont know.
well i guess thats all for now, i'll update later i guess.

p.s. will you stop being an ass to me, im not trying to make you feel like shit so you shouldnt.

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 14:29:35 GMT

yea, hi there. so yea, back over here in good ol germany. going to sweden sunday for a week. thats going to be cool. got some pants and a shirt and some money today, it was nice. let's see, what else. oh yea, i fractured my knuckle and cut my hand to hell when i punched a window. it was either hit my friend or the window, and i was nice and just hit the window, my friend jim who was military intelligence relocated my pinky for me. it hurt. i cant move my hand to well but oh well. had to tlak with the polizei and shit and went to the mp station but we worked it all out. oh well. cant wait for sweden.

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 07:40:06 GMT

theres nothiong i can do now, i fucked up, tried to fix it, but you wont let it happen. if clearing your head means drinking till the sun comes up everyday, then ok. but stop saying you'll see me, and then deciding to get drunk with whoever, again. just give it to me straight if you can, i really dont think i'll see you before i go to germany, and if thats what you want, then i'll be fine with it. i don't know what to say or think about all this now, so whatever you want goes.

life is a well of joy.....all wells are poisoned.

end remorse, end regrets, end hope, just go with instinct, do it, kill yourself

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 09:19:39 GMT

well long time no update huh? oh well. does it fucking matter now a days? its not like i read up on your lives that often or for some people ever.

well lets see, i fucked up. i broke up with her, and then i wanted to get back with her, but she already found someone. 2 weeks after we break up and i've been replaced, kinda makes me feel like i was just something that was there for her when there was no one else. i could be wrong but does it really matter? and i know your fucking him adrienne. and i know how much you want him and shit, i read your journal, and i know shit since im not a fucking goddamn retard. and after what i told you thursday night, i cant think that now, im throwing that out of my head what i had said. its destroyed me inside but oh fuckiing well.

almost had a nervous breakdown at work thursday morning, then last night after learning some stuff and drinking some vodka i was on the edge of it. i was ready to kill. but oh well. fuck it, im welcoming it with open arms. im ready.

i'm going back to germany hopefully. well im going there for 2 weeks for xmas, but if my brother can get me a job on the contract he's going to start soon, i'll be there for 6 months, and it looks pretty good so far, so i hope i get the job. making $15 an hour. average of 60 hours a week, sometimes more, sometimes less maybe. and for those who failed on learning multiplication, 15x60=$900 a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. thats pretty good i think. so yea, might be going there for another 6 months. i want to get away from this shithole for a little bit.

thats all for now i guess. so yea, fuck it.

everytime you humored me
you patronized my misery
the yesterdays mean nothin now
they've never mattered anyhow

often times i wonder why
theres love and hate, thers live or die
when sickness comes i must decide
when feelings go thers suicide

1 question for everyone, why do you think you deserve to live?

fucking your pussy, was like fucking the wound from a shotgun blast......WITH GANG GREEN.

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 06:04:37 GMT

welly well fucking pieces of shit. what to say.... hmm........ well i live in clearwater now. i work at rogers barbeque on belcher, i have a cell phone, ..yea....whatever. fuck you people. i do fucking hate you all. die a painful death. i will shoot you in the head if i had a fucken gun. yea you mother fuckers you can all die die die you sons a bitches!!!! i will cut your clits and dicks off and throw them in a frying pan and shove them in your mouths and make you swallow them you faggot ass fuckers. i want you all to do me a favor....take a knife, a very very sharp and big one, and shove it up your ass's till it stabs you in the fucking heart. well i dont know what else to say, but i'll keep going anyway. i hope never to see any of you people again, i wish for you to burn in an oven at 300 degreees and then im going to fucking cut you up and feed you to your fucking pets and then fucking boil them till they die and cut them up and feed there shit and body parts to your family and them fucking torture them for a year or so. so fuck you all, die motherfuckers die.
alright this is Fogarty gettin up on this bitch so you all suck ass and you fucken should all die like fitz said before. i cant really top what fitzy said cos he is a sick and twisted mother fucker so just take his advice and die. so fuck you all and rot in the 7th layer of hell you fucken pieces of shit!!!!!
this is fitz again., ahh, life, what a piece of shit it is, fuck it, fuck you all, all you people, every fucking last one of you, every fucker out there who doesnt even read this shit, needs to die a slow and painful death, i do not like you, i hate you, i despise you. my rotting shit in the toilet means more to me then you do, you arnt even worthy of eating my shit. wheres your god? where your beautifal mercifal faggot? motherfucking h christ, fuck you all, i will fuck you with a fucking shotgun in the cunt. i will blow your fucking fetus from inside of you.
yes, this is a fucking long ass entry, and i doubt you'll read all of it, actually, i think you probbaly will because your all fucking bastard cock masters who suck on fucking ghandi's fuicking cock and lick his fucking asshole because your all shitlicking faggot ass motherfucking whores who deserve to be destroyed. so fuck ou all, burn in fucking life, i hope your life turns out to be a huge pile of crap, i hope everything you know and love gets detroyed. fuck you.

nirvana is the greatest band ever

with the prequal to fitz's ending im gonna ask you to not feel any shame, because thats what you said to adam before he came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! word my niggaZ!

i'll end this entry with a misfits quote. " with just one touch of my burning hand, im going to live my life to destroy your world. prime directive: exterminate the whole fucking race.

i'd be your savior, but you didnt want to be saved.

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 20:40:35 GMT

well where to start? i need a girlfriend. i havent had one in over a year, and ive had no luck getting one, so yea, im trying to find one now. so if any of you know a girl whos around my age and is hot and cool and has some of the same interests as me, hook me up. i know that no one will tell me shit but oh well. fuck you.
second, im back on facethejury. jordan is on there so i decided to go back there and be on it again. exciting i know. my username on there is chaosplan9. i have a total of 2 votes right now. greeeeeeeat. i see everyone else and there mom is on there now, i guess it turned into the next livejournal in a way, except its not a journal. maybe i'll find a girlfriend on ftj. probably not though, im doomed to be alone till i rot on earth. fuck you. bastard fuckers, go get some razors and pretend there m&m's.
third, i get paid today, so i should get car insurance tommorrow, and then i can move out. which will be good, and i can also drive myself wherever the fuck i want to go, and i can drive to work then to, and not have jordan or fogarty or my mom drive me places all the time, and not have to take a cab home every morning. oh well.
fourth, i need beer, i havent gotten drunk for like a week. thats a long time for me. its no good. i want beer!! its one of the only things that will never let me down or fuck me over in life, like so many other things and people in this shithole of a world. the world has gone to shit.
i think im getting sick again to, i just fucking cant stay healthy, oh well, fuck it, fuck this body. damn immune system, fucking piece of shit.
my mom asked me the other day if i wanted to go back and start up therapy again with bith my psychologist and my therapist. i had to think about that one for a total of 0 seconds, she had to of known i was going to say no, or maybe not. oh well, shes going insane b/c my dad's taking her to court AGAIN. so there still not fucking divorced, and they've been going to court for 2 years now. fucking hell, my dad's a cunt and my moms insane.
fifth. ive been working a lot lately, not as much as i'd like to, if i could i'd be working about 80 hours a week at least, but right now im working 60 a week, which isnt bad, gives me money so oh well, but it sucks working during the night, but fuck it, fuck it all.
so thats all for my entry, basically all ive been doing is working and when i have time off i hangout with fogarty and jordan and sometimes drink when we have beer. jason's coming down next weekend so were getting the keg filled, and i already got next friday off so its all good for next weekend, jsut need to get a girl. lol. wont happen though. thats my life, im a loser, go hang yourself asshole motherfuckers.

lets see if i can't get fucked over in something in my life. probably not. so now its killing time.

my cab driver was telling me how this girl 20 years ago wanted to be with him but she was married, so he told her to go get a divorce from her abbusing husband, and the husband blew her head off with a shotgun cause she asked for a divorce.

my cab driver told me he worked for security for a department store over 20 years ago, and this popular kid who worked there was putting vcr's into the dumpsters and his friends were picking him up, got caught and the cab guy told him that he wouldnt go to jail if he go the money to back all the shit, and so he had to ask his dad who was the head of the sherrifs department, but instead of asking his dad for help with the $2000 grand he owed to not go to jail, he hung himself.

i am never riding in his cab again. well actually yea, i will, cause its a cadillac cab.

you die as a result of living, if you were never born, you would never die. if you are born, your going to die b/c you lived, living is the cause of all deaths.

exterminate the whole fuckin race.

whats next?

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 03:37:25 GMT

first part of this entry.

to shannon,
ok, thats enough, i cant take this shit anymore. you want to play these games with me, go fucking right ahead, but im not going to be here fucking hoping and wishing anymore. why? because you do not show one bit of fucking care towards me. i know you fucking read your emails, but you decide not to reply, i know that you know i've called, but you just decide to not call me back. i'm writing you another email, to explain it all, so reply to that, but i wouldnt be suprised if you didnt. reply to the email or call me or something, if not, then im done with it all, i will not be there to be by your side whenever you need me, its to much shit for someone to have to deal with. in my position with how our relationship has been, this is where its all shown what is going to happen. so read the email or call me or something where i actually hear something from you about it all. i love you, and thats all i have to say on here about this. talk to me.

well ive gotten drunk everynight for the past week, and i will be drinking some tonight, so the streak continues on. i have absolutly nothing else to do at this point but drink and smoke my turkish royals.

i got 4 nosebleeds monday, 4 nosebleeds tuesday, and so far 2 today. i think ive lost a lot of blood over the past 3 days but fucking i dont give a goddamn shit. i'm sick as shit, my throat feels torn, my body feels like shit, my head never feels right, i cut my knuckle with a real sharp ass knife last night while drunk and bled a lot. i cough like im dying, my nose runs sometimes like a river, and i dont have health insurance. go me. let me die, for there are far worse things then death.

well folks, i really have got nothign the fuck else to say. if you didnt know i was back in palm harbor, well now you do so yea, hit me up or something, and bring some beer. and thats all there is, i dont when i'll be updating again so yea, whatever, fuck off.

talk to me.

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 11:53:49 GMT

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer:	the Entire World, but most of it is devastated in the process.
Your title will be:	God
You will succeed by:	Creating your own religion and convincing your followers to suicide bomb strategic targets.
Your Enforcers will be:	Ninjas (they flip out and kill people).
Your first act as ruler:	Award yourself 3 Oscars, 4 Nobel Peace Prizes, NBA Rookie-of-the-Year, and a bucketload of all those lesser trophies.

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

hmm, so yea, shit. well lets see where to begin anything, if i do type any of it.

well, before i start i'll say this, i am now back in florida, yes, so someone come over or something ok, my moms being kinda bitch but oh well. time to get drunk.

well first, im not going to ask you anymore, i've asked many of times, and i can't keep getting the answer you give me, soif you ever change your mind i guess, i might be there, and i don't want to keep annoying you with it, and im sure you don't want to hear it any which way, so yea, im not going to ask anymore.

second, soon people, soon is the key word if you weren't observent to the smallest limit of the second word.

third, well i dont have a third, but it'll come to me in a few days, or a week.

fourth, watch hurlyburly.

fifth, 18 more, i slowed down a lot in the past year. so shoot me.

sixth, im not in florida if you believed that little load of nonsense i wrote earlier. you'll know when im home people. well some of you at least, and i am not there yet.

seventh, thats all because this was much more then i shoul've done, shouldnt of done everything but bordem does strange things to you.

mmmmmm, menthol. i hate menthol.

whats next? whats the score here?

is this clear enough?

Wed, 08 Oct 2003 13:24:55 GMT

well, this will probably be the last entry i write for a while, im thinking the last one im going to write till i get back home, so i better make it a good one huh? yea right.

well lets see,i dont know where to begin really, so lets just pick up where i never started.

well just when things start to somewhat look up in this shitty world, theclouds devour the sun and im thrown back into hell. yea......what fun it is to do this over and over and over again. i suppose i could stop all of this from happening but then what fun would that be? the awards for all this now are astonishing i believe, but so could just saying fuck it.

ahh, the joys and pains of assumption. what a terrible thing it is. but with it, we get a head start in a way.

so where do i go from here, well lets just spring into anything that catches my mind.

got drunk last friday, to much champagne. my brother feels the need to spend all his money by buying bottle after bottle of expensive champagne. just give me some whiskey and beer, that'll be fine with me.

i think i should really stop looking at other peoples journals to, b/c some of them just get me upset and feeling to a point, not wanted. so maybe i should stop doing that. stop looking at specific peoples journals, maybe just stop looking at one journal. the one i look at most really. one of the only ones i actually read on my friends page. but yea,, what do you think people?

lets go to another subject now, im sure we'll be back to that one soon i regret to say.

sex: how long has it been for you? for me, its ben about 5 1/2 months to 6 months. not my longest drought, but unfortunatly, i know its going to keep going. but yes,i fear on that subject many things. things i probably shouldnt go into for they might be readin right now? are youreading this right now? thats what i thoguht. well im sure your enjoying some kind of sensual pleasure someway or or another that will strike me badlysomehow, but oh well, words are meant to be broken arn't they? i didnt think so either. but that still doesnt mean one permits itself past the word of truth and lie. we shall see if your still standing in the end.

there i go rambling again, sorry about that to the other people reading this entry. which are probably not many, but anyways, where shall i go to next. of course since im not updating in a while i thought i'd go out with this repulsive entry of illusions and tricks to show pain and disgrace of so and so. so yes, lets continue.

if read this far you might as well continue reading, you've obviously got the time to waste.

well im going to show up in florida one day unexpectantly, some people will know when i shall return, most of course, do not know. but yes, it might be longer then i expected till i come back, but also, i might journey home sooner then expected, it's all in the element of suprise. wouldn't it be a suprise if i actually returned home on the date whcih was set for me almost 6 motnhs ago? maybe it wont be. maybe i shall still return on that infamous date of whcih the new year begins, but then again, maybe not. just hold on tight little kities and frogs, i will show up much to your horror probably rather then your delight. we shall find out, on the day for which is still uncertain to me, when i shall return.

well this already very very long so maybe i should end it now. what doy ou people of livejournal think? should i just update this and then in a few days end all of my lj lives on here, all 6 of them? should i end lj from my life? sounds like a possibili, or maybe i'll just lay dorment for a while. in any case, this will be last update for a while, if i do update ever again, which im sure i will though. why? because how it goes.

well deary, lets see how things are, so your horny huh? well sorry i cnt help you out, but i can only hope that your not getting anyone else to help you out. for then, you pulled a great plot, an let it loose, but of course, it fell apart in the end one way or another, but enough about this. your you, and you can do whatever that pleases you, even if it doesnt feel to goodon other people, in there mental stages of course. but yes, our a big girl, you are your own self, dow hat you want to make you happy, do what you wan to be sad. we all do deary, some of us do things that we regret, some of us dont do things for a greater goal, and stick by there convictions, as i myself believe in. but yea, i don't know if i ever had a point, maybe just some bottled up feelings that i tend to have so much of the time. but yes, i loe you of course, but you live your life, and things will happen with howeverybody does things, including you and me.

well if your still reading this then im pleased in a sense, but im sure most of you have gone off to read someone elses journal or maybe for some food or drink, or maybe even went off for a fuck, but whatever, its your lives.

spc is the place for me. yea.....well ill be going to spc next semester. ehhh, oh well, it had to happen eventually i guess. as soon as i get back i have to go and sign up for everything and all that cal. oh well.

this entry wasnt award winning im sure, but ihope you injoyed, you can look at it in certain perspectives and it might be real informative to some of you.

so remember folks, wiat for your world to crumble, and also know, that you sometimes cant stop your world from falling in on you, but maybe it falling on top of yourself isnt so bad. well, you'll just have to wait and see, i sure am.

this isn't a damn weather forcast. the theres a 99% chance of hell letting loose into our minds if some things can't be detained. its your choice. you figure it out.

i hope this didnt hurt ou in anyway, im sure it didnt. soon enough, i shall see you again.

vidy well people, its time for me to burn myself in my own dillusions and misery of hatred and love. burn till the last drop.

if you readed all the way through, you deserve a gold star. "pretend i gave you one"
yeaaa, there you go, hope you enjoy, bastards. leave a comment if you wish, i know you probably wont, i especially want YOU to leave a coment, but i doubt you will either. you allread this far, why not take it to the next step.

and so now i say so long, viddy well, goodnight. and to you i say i love you.

i'll be your savior if you gave me the chance.

when the man comes around

Fri, 03 Oct 2003 12:14:17 GMT

well i was trying to post a picture but of course it felt like being a fuck so yea, no picture. we'll all live.

just got bored and deciede what the fuck, and updated. so yea. tonights friday night, i should be getting p[lastered hopefully, and rightfully so for many reasons.

memnoch the devil by anne rice is a great book. its insanely great. i recomend it to. but you should read the books before it since it goes in order and memnoch is like the 5th one.

hopefully this next week i should get it, debating between 2 things at the moment.

i have a srange bump on my wrist, on the top part. its very hard like its a bone and it jsut appeared there a few days ago. i used to have one on the top of my hand a few years ago just like it, maybe its moving up north, who knows. i fucking dont. and then i just pressed on it as hard as i could and i felt it move depper into my wrist and was quite unpleasent to. is this normal? could be. if my hand falls off then i know its not. lets see if it pops out in a little bit.

well thats all folks. and until we meet again, viddy well.

soon.....

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 11:02:18 GMT

no more white moons, no more fucking sun, my flesh will start to decay, my life is running low, ill stab you for life, and slit my wrists for one last look, just one more time around, one more chance for shame.

no more running from the grave of the squirral, keep on living for now.

Sun, 14 Sep 2003 11:31:57 GMT

R.I.P Johnny Cash and John Ritter.

the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note... these are
all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

if someone really did do that, there fucked, and dont do shrooms. drink more.

everyone drink more.

lets erase friday from my memory. oh well.

thats how the cookie crumbles.